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THE CRYPTO CULTURE DESK
Fictional reporting. Real project facts.
The big story
Fictional satireStudio projectNVIDIA Cat
NVIDIA Cat's Whitepaper Is a Cardboard Box Marked Compute
An infrastructure pitch achieves full occupancy before anyone connects a cable.
GameStop CatStudio project · Satire
Diamond Paws Guild Rejects Patch That Introduces a Sell Button
A guild discovers that optional controls are a threat to its entire character build.
ReggieStudio project · Satire
Reggie's Kidnappers Demand Proof of Reserves Before Accepting Acorns
The ransom committee has assets under a tree. Whether they are under management remains disputed.
From the culture desk
Fictional crypto satire
SatireCrypto cultureEditorial
DAO Spends Six Weeks Voting on Whether to Stop Holding Meetings
The working group agrees that the problem requires a standing committee.
SatireGameStop CatStudio project
GameStop Cat Demands a Save Point Before Every Wallet Signature
The tutorial offers no skip button for the part everyone says they understand.
SatireNVIDIA CatStudio project
Cat Demands More GPUs to Render One Green Candle
The chart department needs a larger budget to draw the same rectangle with greater conviction.
SatireReggieStudio project
Squirrel Community Publishes Roadmap, Immediately Eats the Paper
Phase one is locating the roadmap. Phase two depends on the findings of phase one.
SatireCrypto cultureEditorial
New Token Announces Utility Will Be Revealed After Everyone Stops Asking
An unnamed project's roadmap identifies curiosity as its last remaining blocker.